Madie:
artistic, aspiring architect, avid concert attendee, ballerina, christian, housewife material, imperfect, lawrence tech. student, movie fan, music addict, straight edge, tree hugger, unique, possibly unlike any other girl you've ever met, and so very much more...
Twenty One
So... as of one hour and forty minutes ago I am twenty one years old. Strange... I don't drink so it's not that exciting. Infact I'm terrified. This means I have no excuse to escape going out with friends to clubs or bars. I'm scared to go. I hate cigarette smoke, drunk people, and large crowds... especially when they are people I don't know. So how do I cope? Fit in? What if a guy offers to buy me a drink? What do I say and how do I let him know that I don't drink. I don't see it as a problem but some people do... which is sad. I don't want to be the only person out not enjoying themselves and not having something in my hand to drink. And this just means that there's one less year of my life. One less year to experience wonderful things. One year closer to the real world filled with huge problems. One less year to find someone wonderful and make lasting friendships. I don't feel like I have very good friends. My "best friend" Elisa promised me for months and months that she would plan me a huge twenty first party and she put no effort into planning anything. The pathetic gathering I put together myself is a letdown even though I tried not getting my hopes up. She probably won't even attend like most of my other friends. I'm lonley.
I'm not sure I want to grow up... who cares if I can buy alcohol? It's not worth it.
Daydream
So I always had this stupid idea that one day it would be really cool if I met a guy while he & I were both driving in separate cars. Stupid idea right? I thought it would never happen in a million years. I was wrong. I was driving on my way back to Royal Oak from my parent's house tonight with my window open and blasting some tunes & I pass a guy and just glanced at him. I always look at who I'm passing because I'm weird and I like to people watch. I'm curious about others. Well anyways he keeps trying to keep up with me and eventually we come to a stoplight and he rolls down his window & asks if I wanted to get a drink with him. That's funny because I'm not 21 yet (less than a month to go) and normally I look like I'm 16. I told him I had other stuff to do tonight, and I do. I also didn't feel like hanging out with a random guy at 10 at night. That just sounds like bad news bears. But what a boost of confidence and something to give me a good laugh.
Architect(ort)ure Edited
Well... This week thus far has been interesting for sure. I am burnt out & it's only Wednesday. I had my critique for our IDS 2 final design projects today and it didn't go as smoothly as expected. I have been busting my ass for a few weeks and I still did not completely finish my design board. It's not because I've been procrastinating, it's actually because I helped so many people with their projects. I am one of the few people in my studio that knows photoshop so everyone was asking me for help... therefore I wasn't able to finish my stuff. I'm mad because some of the people I helped said they would return the favor & they didn't carry through on their promise. I love being screwed over, especially when getting an award is on the line. I worked so hard so I could have a chance at being one of the top 3 people in my studio and now I'm worried it's in jeopardy. The top 3 get honors & get to present their projects to the whole student body of IDS 2 students and I put my whole heart into the project so I'd love to receive it. I dunno... I'm tired & frustrated by being used.
Updated 5.18
I got my grades back and it turns out I did really well, especially in studio. I ended up getting an A- and my professor wants photos of my model for a booklet and wants to submit my work to the chair of architecture. So if there were four slots for honors, I know I would have received it. My professor hardly gives out A's so it's an honor in itself that I got an A-. I also received an A- in my English class and still did alright in my other 2 classes, getting a B- in each. I bumped up my GPA and now I reapplied to get my scholarship back. Hopefully I'll get it again because I need money for school. But now I feel relieved at how well I did this semester even though everything else in my life felt like it was falling apart.
